i have a four year old!
do you ever find yourself sitting back & really looking at your life? we’ve had a lot happen over the last 6+ months, a lot of loss, some financial setbacks, but honestly… i have to say my husband & i are tighter than ever through it all. this hasn’t always been the case if i am honest but this isn’t a marriage post & i am not the expert on that even though i love my husband dearly. i mention it because, i’ve been reflecting on a lot of different aspects of my life & motherhood has been heavy on my heart.
if you weren’t here when i started sharing my journey trying to conceive online, it took us almost 7 years to conceive this miracle babe. we prayed endlessly, cried a lot, begged even more but what we always did through those phases was trust in God’s timing. we knew he had a plan for us & that we would be parents one day.
i will never forget that summer day in july 2018. i had taken a test on a whim, as i did often since we had been trying but i was also pretty irregular with my cycles & had not even a little bit of the knowledge about how to track my cycle that i do now. i had lost about 125lbs in the last 18 months & had about 6+ months of consistent cycles so knew i was late when i decided to take the test. we had been traveling since i owned a consulting business at the time & can honestly say i had been focusing on bettering myself & had removed the pressure of trying for quite some time. i even remember setting the test on the tub ledge & going about my business getting ready to take a shower to head to picnics that weekend.
when i saw the two lines i initially convinced myself i grabbed an ovulation test by accident. after checking the trash i am pretty positive i went into shock. i ran to my husband & after crying / hugging for a solid period of time i sent him down the street to get every brand & type of test on the shelf. we proceeded to dip them all & we were pregnant! i have to dig up the videos we took later that day finally being able to tell our parents they’d be grandparents from us!!
i’ve never shared that story but as i said, i’ve been reflecting. i never knew how big my heart could expand until i had the journey of pregnancy & motherhood. i read all the books, made all the plans, bought all the things but absolutely nothing could have prepared me for the day i met my daughter. staring into her eyes, knowing she was mine … i literally said to my husband when they gave her to us “we don’t have to give her back, right?!” i was in disbelief.
if you’re in a season of struggle, please know that i have been there & i know how it can feel to see others having babies, how it can feel to be told it will happen for you too but its so true even if its not what you want to hear. i promised myself i would let my heart lead this blog post & i sure did. even considering changing the title but hey, let’s talk about my four year old after all, shall we?!
this precious girl is the light of my life. God knew exactly what he was doing when he gave her to us when he did. weeks after bringing her home we found a home in the neighborhood i grew up in, less than a mile each way between our parents. we are now in the township for the best school district when she starts pre-k this fall & i am just in awe of my motherhood journey so far.
sitting here listening to the bird chirp, prepping for her birthday party this weekend & watching her play outside truly brings me a joy i can’t even describe. i knew i was meant to be a mom & this girl is my everything.
to my brynlee, the absolute love of my life, you are brilliant, beautiful & sassy, your mama loves you more than you’ll ever know & you are my greatest gift from God. happy birthday, baby!
